Free Time, Brought to You by Lifeblood

I saved a life today. Or so the folks at Lifeblood assured me. In exchange for saving a life, I get a night off from exercising: Lifeblood's orders! So now I have free time until 9:00 and House Hunters on HGTV, and I thought I could take up your valuable time with some ramblings...

As one might expect, the experience of giving blood was not without incident. I might have caused a minor scene when the lady next to me (I mean elbow-touching close) started eating a bag of Fritos and wave after wave of the greasy, fried smell breached the gap and threatened to asphyxiate me. Fortunately, I was able to move, though not without a wee altercation with some guy who had appointed himself Cot Police. It all worked out though.

While I was lying there s-l-o-w-l-y saving a life, I did come up with a brilliant idea. But first, a caveat: I fully support medical leave for pregnancy. I think it's one of the best ideas since pantyhose or Tampax. Until now.

My idea builds on the original concept of medical leave for pregnancy by incorporating it with the concept of crop subsidies. You know, where the government pays farmers for crops they don't plant? In my new plan, women who choose not to have children will receive medical leave for not having children! To be effective and fair, there will have to rules:

• Enrollment will require a visit to the gynecologist to determine whether or not the enrollee is not having a vaginal delivery or not having a C-section, but the office visit will be covered by her medical plan. If no determination can be made, the proram will split the difference by awarding the enrollee seven weeks leave.
• Enrollees are limited to two non-pregnancy leaves, except in Utah, where four leaves are permitted.
• Unplanned non-pregnancies are not covered by this program.
• The program does not extend to childcare programs or absences for tending to a sick child. (Note: It is believed that this savings in lost wages and productivity is what will make the plan attractive to companies, so don't push it!)

That's as far as I got before they told me I could leave, but I'm going to keep working on it. (Should a holiday be declared in my honor, I'd like for it to be held in March.)

I briefed my manager on the fundamentals of the plan, and--good news!--she didn't say no. She gave me a benefits card, but unfortunately it was the number of the Employee Assistance Program rather than the Benefits Coordinator. I'll get the right card tomorrow.

And with that, my free time is up. Happy Friday Eve!